{"id":697,"date":"2010-04-13T22:48:56","date_gmt":"2010-04-13T22:48:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/?p=697"},"modified":"2010-04-14T06:56:15","modified_gmt":"2010-04-14T06:56:15","slug":"short-story-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/2010\/04\/13\/short-story-control\/","title":{"rendered":"Short Story: Control"},"content":{"rendered":"

Control
\n<\/span><\/strong>By Steve Ince<\/strong><\/p>\n

My attempt to control the outcome of the game with my mind worked, much to my complete amazement.\u00a0 It\u2019s not every day you discover you have amazing powers of mental control.\u00a0 Of course, I wasn\u2019t going to tell anyone around me what was happening or they might think what I was doing was unfair, but the way I look at it is that I\u2019m just a fan urging the rugby team he supports to do well.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What actually happened was that I willed the other team\u2019s kicker to miss the penalty goal kick, which he did. \u00a0That kept the scores level and my team in with a chance of salvaging a point in the dying seconds of the match.\u00a0<\/p>\n

They were reduced to only eleven men early in the second half, their huge first half lead had quickly slipped to where it was now \u2013 exactly even \u2013 and only the intervention of my fabulous new mind powers prevented them from turning certain victory to sure defeat.\u00a0 As the final whistle blew I heaved a sigh of relief, along with ten thousand fellow supporters, and made my way towards the exit.<\/p>\n

While I drove home, I tried out my new mental powers some more \u2013 testing them to get a proper feel for how they worked \u2013 and managed to ensure that every traffic light I approached turned green.\u00a0 I reached home in record time and my evening meal was still actually hot for the first time this season.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe my luck and it almost made up for the team not winning.\u00a0 Even the kids smiled at me \u2013 not something they did on a regular basis and it generally only happened when they were trying to cadge a fiver.<\/p>\n

In the pub that night \u2013 celebration and commiseration in equal measure \u2013 I tried my powers on my mate Tom as he walked through the door ten minutes after I arrived.\u00a0 It was a true miracle; he put his hand into his pocket and gave me the ten pounds he\u2019d borrowed last week without me even having to ask.\u00a0 If ever there was proof that my powers existed this was it \u2013 everyone knew Tom was tighter than a camel\u2019s.\u00a0 My powers must have had a knock-on effect because he even bought the next two rounds.\u00a0 I was so astonished that I wasn\u2019t paying any attention to what he was saying.\u00a0 Something about a horse race, I think.<\/p>\n

I was hoping the fit barmaid would be working so I could use my powers on her but she\u2019d taken the night off.\u00a0 I\u2019d been trying to get off with her for months, but it was probably for the best.\u00a0 Carol, my wife, had threatened to kill me if she ever caught me cheating on her again.\u00a0 Mind you, I don\u2019t see how a kiss and a grope in the bus shelter can be classed as cheating when I didn\u2019t even get my hand in the woman\u2019s knickers before her bus came.\u00a0 I wondered if my mental powers could be used to adjust the wife\u2019s memory.\u00a0 A spot of experimentation was called for in this area.<\/p>\n

I tried to win some money from Tom by betting that old Stan would lose his darts match by three sets to nil, but Tom wouldn\u2019t take the bet.\u00a0 He reckoned Stan had lost his edge since his wife died and hadn\u2019t won a match in months.\u00a0 Which I guess was fair enough with him not getting proper meals any more, but when Stan won one set Tom wished he\u2019d taken up the bet.\u00a0 I grinned, but didn\u2019t let on how I\u2019d controlled the outcome.\u00a0 Tom, in his strange, na\u00efve way, figured that old Stan\u2019s new woman had put a spring in his step again, but I didn\u2019t like to let on and spoil my edge.<\/p>\n

We rolled out of the pub at closing time a little the worse for drink, but that\u2019s exactly the point.\u00a0 What a waste of money it would be if we were as sober at the end as we were at the beginning.\u00a0 Besides, I only go out for a drink once a week and I like to make the most of it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As we walked down the street I told Tom I fancied a bag of chips and started to cross the road.\u00a0 He yelled to warn me of the oncoming car, but I didn\u2019t worry, not with my mind control powers.<\/p>\n

I stared at the car and willed it to stop, holding out my hand like some kind of super-hero, which I guess is what this power makes me, now.<\/p>\n

You can imagine my surprise when I woke up in hospital.\u00a0 The car simply hadn\u2019t stopped and the doctors didn\u2019t know if I\u2019d ever walk again.\u00a0 I was furious with myself for being so stupid about my mind powers.<\/p>\n

It never entered my head that drinking beer would be my Kryptonite, that it would affect my powers so completely.\u00a0 I should have tested their limits before using them in a life or death situation.<\/p>\n

Still, you\u2019ve got to look on the bright side \u2013 I\u2019m in a hospital ward surrounded by young nurses.\u00a0 Mind you, I must still be under the effects of the drink.\u00a0 None of the nurses have gone along with any of my mental suggestions yet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Control
\nBy Steve Ince<\/p>\n

My attempt to control the outcome of the game with my mind worked, much to my complete amazement. It\u2019s not every day you discover you have amazing powers of mental control. Of course, I wasn\u2019t going to tell anyone around me what was happening or they might think what I was doing was unfair, but the way I look at it is that I\u2019m just a fan urging the rugby team he supports to do well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,3],"tags":[256],"class_list":["post-697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories","category-writing","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=697"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/697\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":699,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/697\/revisions\/699"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}