{"id":1284,"date":"2012-10-31T19:32:08","date_gmt":"2012-10-31T19:32:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1284"},"modified":"2012-10-31T19:32:08","modified_gmt":"2012-10-31T19:32:08","slug":"we-dont-need-no-game-writers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.steve-ince.co.uk\/blog\/2012\/10\/31\/we-dont-need-no-game-writers\/","title":{"rendered":"We Don\u2019t Need No Game Writers"},"content":{"rendered":"

Game writers have been harbouring a secret for years and it\u2019s time to come clean \u2013 it\u2019s not important for any game to use an experienced writer, even for a story based game.<\/p>\n

Now this may seem controversial but it needs to be said.\u00a0 After all, anyone can write, can\u2019t they?\u00a0 Everyone watches films and TV and most people have read books at some point in their lives \u2013 how hard can it be?<\/p>\n

Level designers are talented people and a producer knows the project inside out (right?), so one of those guys can do it.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter if they know little about all that malarkey concerning structure, character arcs, theme, sub-plots, subtext, motivation and suspension of disbelief \u2013 quality isn\u2019t important when good gameplay will disguise any story problems.\u00a0 (You have got good gameplay, right?)\u00a0 And you can use spell-check and grammar-check to fix the dialogue; after all, everyone speaks grammatically correct at all times.<\/p>\n

Games don\u2019t need characters we care about \u2013 they don\u2019t need depth, just cool stats.\u00a0 The only characters anyone gives a damn about in games are the ones with big guns or big tits.\u00a0 Preferably both.\u00a0 Or fill your game with mindless robots \u2013 they don\u2019t need quirky personalities players will find enjoyable and tell all their friends about.<\/p>\n

Characters don\u2019t need back-story or any kind of humanity that will lead to empathy.\u00a0 Killing zombies will provide all the empathy necessary.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t lose sleep over plot holes.\u00a0 Who the hell finishes games these days?\u00a0 You can\u2019t tell me that all those people who complained about the ending of Mass Effect 3 actually played it through.\u00a0 Besides, plot holes are a good thing \u2013 they encourage the player to give up on a game and buy a new one; a win for all developers, surely?\u00a0 And I\u2019m positive players will never remember these plot problems the next time they consider buying one of your games.<\/p>\n

Anyway, players won\u2019t have time to care about the plot if they\u2019re busy killing their best friend\u2019s girlfriend\u2019s cousin\u2019s teacher\u2019s poodle.\u00a0 (Remind me again why we\u2019re doing that?)<\/p>\n

Who cares about a believable bad guy?\u00a0 Just make him a hard bastard it will be nearly impossible to defeat at the end of the game.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t need to be seen in the rest of the game and we don\u2019t need to care about his motivation or why he\u2019s such a big problem for the player character.\u00a0 If in doubt, swap any angst for cool looking weapons and a gravelly voice.<\/p>\n

Drama and conflict is bollocks, except when it involves big weapons or improbable martial arts moves.\u00a0 The player should be able to find out the important information without even trying \u2013 gameplay is shooting and jumping not investigation and interrogation.\u00a0 Variety is for those players who want a rich, value-for-money experience.<\/p>\n

You should always design and implement the game before worrying about the story.\u00a0 A great story can be tagged on at any time because it\u2019s just a bunch of made-up stuff.\u00a0 Completing the gameplay before adding the story means that there is no chance the writer can take up your time with valuable suggestions on how to enhance the whole project.\u00a0 You know what you want; there\u2019s no need to improve it.<\/p>\n

Quality dialogue is completely unnecessary. \u00a0No one wants to read or listen to what you wrote anyway.\u00a0 The producer or the technical director probably once won a school prize for a poem they wrote about their dog, one of them can write the speech lines.<\/p>\n

When it comes to turning the dialogue into recorded voice samples, this can be one of the easiest tasks of all.\u00a0 Acting is a piece of cake and the guys in the office can put on silly voices so get them to do the voices at a bargain basement price.\u00a0 They\u2019ll have a whale of a time and can even ad-lib cheesy in-jokes while they\u2019re at it.<\/p>\n

If you really feel you need to use professional actors, don\u2019t bother attending the casting session because the voice studio that\u2019s doing it on the cheap will have no decent actors on their books, which only helps to emphasise that it wasn\u2019t necessary to waste money on a writer in the first place.<\/p>\n

Do you know of any game that was spoiled by poor acting?\u00a0 Exactly!\u00a0 So, even though your Cockney gangster sounds like a Russian diplomat, he doesn\u2019t speak much when he\u2019s avenging the death of his cat with a pair of grenade launchers.<\/p>\n

So there we have it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t employ a writer who knows what he\u2019s doing because he or she will only make things difficult with their high levels of expertise and expectations of quality dialogue, story and characters.<\/p>\n

Who cares about the low review scores when they will be more than compensated by the money you save?\u00a0 It\u2019s not like you\u2019ve invested a lot of time and effort into the game you just released.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like you set out to make a good game in the first place.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re just in it for the money, not the fact that you love games and want those you make to be the very best possible.\u00a0 Right?<\/p>\n

Right?<\/p>\n

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